your thong is hanging out like whoa
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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