I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
