I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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