I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
