I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
