my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
