There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
