I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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