Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
