The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
