I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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