bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
