So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
