Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
