you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
