she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
