I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
