There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i permit you to call me
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
