Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
