Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
