I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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