how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize