the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
