hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
