ya dads aren't the best wingmen
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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