look no pants
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
