I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
