I just pynch a tree in the face
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
