Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
