I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
