God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
