I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
