at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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