I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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