Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
