Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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