I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I have feelings that need drinking.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
