My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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