My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
