The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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