did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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