Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
