im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I smell stomach acid.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
