i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
