Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
