Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
