we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
