i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
