You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
A+ Viking dick
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
