my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
These tits shall not be calmed
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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