haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
