Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
