I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
sarcasm needs its own font
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
