I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
