Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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